It's funny. It's mortifying. When exams come around, the feelings one goes through.
I've never been a person who worries about exams or the result. I've never felt crushing disappointment when I've done badly, nor boundless joy when I've done well (not too many times). And my emotions are just migrating towards the mean point as the days go by. There are no sleepless night nowadays even when my preparations aren't all that good, no confident strutting around when I know I'm going to do well. It's just one series of boring and indifferent reactions to the whole concept of going there and writing those few words in the papers provided, which are oh so important. And they probably are. But it just doesn't get the adrenaline flowing any more.
Why? Maybe because I am not yet sure what I want to do in my life. And should I be sure? I have no idea. Probably. I mean it has to be the ideal situation if you know what you're going to do for the rest of your life when you've just about finished 20% of it. I don't though. I'd like to drift along for another 2-3 years or so, but I can't and that's just the long and short of it. And therefore I'm off to join the scores and scores of engineering hopefuls that my country is producing by the buckets.
But what else is there though. I'd like to write for my food, journalism being the most obvious choice then as a profession. I'd like to travel as well, so the journalism thing still is a winner. But it doesn't pay all that much now, does it? Not really. And I'm not sure I can sit on a fence as much as being true to my profession would require.
Oh well, when I write the next time, my immediate future would probably have been decided. And I probably won't be able to change it for some time now. And that scares me more than exams ever have.
I've never been a person who worries about exams or the result. I've never felt crushing disappointment when I've done badly, nor boundless joy when I've done well (not too many times). And my emotions are just migrating towards the mean point as the days go by. There are no sleepless night nowadays even when my preparations aren't all that good, no confident strutting around when I know I'm going to do well. It's just one series of boring and indifferent reactions to the whole concept of going there and writing those few words in the papers provided, which are oh so important. And they probably are. But it just doesn't get the adrenaline flowing any more.
Why? Maybe because I am not yet sure what I want to do in my life. And should I be sure? I have no idea. Probably. I mean it has to be the ideal situation if you know what you're going to do for the rest of your life when you've just about finished 20% of it. I don't though. I'd like to drift along for another 2-3 years or so, but I can't and that's just the long and short of it. And therefore I'm off to join the scores and scores of engineering hopefuls that my country is producing by the buckets.
But what else is there though. I'd like to write for my food, journalism being the most obvious choice then as a profession. I'd like to travel as well, so the journalism thing still is a winner. But it doesn't pay all that much now, does it? Not really. And I'm not sure I can sit on a fence as much as being true to my profession would require.
Oh well, when I write the next time, my immediate future would probably have been decided. And I probably won't be able to change it for some time now. And that scares me more than exams ever have.
2 comments:
your immediate future depends on your happiness. exams and professions, we wrongly associate happiness with. all the luck :)
thank you again.and you're right. happily my family isn't as obsessed.
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