Waiting for the world to end,
Because I've realised only then can I start.
Because I'm too afraid, too much of a coward,
I've made my back strong, strong enough to carry the weight of routine,
But crippled it, made it sterile so that wings may never sprout,
I realise now, there are no expectations, no compulsions,
There is only conviction, and in it's absence cowardice.
My excuses have started to fade away inside my own mind,
I can't even deceive myself anymore, just disgust.
Rendered helpless by my own hands, constructing this coagulated existence,
Time flying by me, as I am held back by my own denial,
Denial of time, denial of opportunity, denial of my own deep cravings.
Waiting for the world to end,
Because I've started to lose hope there will be a beginning,
Because atleast then, there will be a reason to my soul's coma,
Atleast then perhaps I'll learn to accept the chains I've tied to my own feet,
Atleast then I will die a humane death,
My dreams no longer screaming out from the pain of submission,
My soul euthanised.
Because I've realised only then can I start.
Because I'm too afraid, too much of a coward,
I've made my back strong, strong enough to carry the weight of routine,
But crippled it, made it sterile so that wings may never sprout,
I realise now, there are no expectations, no compulsions,
There is only conviction, and in it's absence cowardice.
My excuses have started to fade away inside my own mind,
I can't even deceive myself anymore, just disgust.
Rendered helpless by my own hands, constructing this coagulated existence,
Time flying by me, as I am held back by my own denial,
Denial of time, denial of opportunity, denial of my own deep cravings.
Waiting for the world to end,
Because I've started to lose hope there will be a beginning,
Because atleast then, there will be a reason to my soul's coma,
Atleast then perhaps I'll learn to accept the chains I've tied to my own feet,
Atleast then I will die a humane death,
My dreams no longer screaming out from the pain of submission,
My soul euthanised.
Came on me all of a sudden, urge, craving to write something like this, and it came out as it is, word by word, slowly. I haven't even re-read it, so don't know how it is. Only that I broke my self imposed ban on the blog to post this, because I could not hold back.
