Dear Zara, I am sorry I killed you,
I apologise for the agony and the injustice,
I did it because of a reason I can't remember,
Reasons that were important once, a time for which I wish.
When the lives of others didn't seem so important,
So weak, fragile, vulnerable, precious, unique,
That slips away from a bullet like sand from my closed fist,
Your open vacant eyes make me forget my convictions, my certainties,
Make me doubt all the answers I seek.
Why did you have to come in my path?
I was sure in my sedation, happy in my misconception,
Content in my hatred, satisfied in my lust for blood and death,
Determined, driven, clear in my eyes, red in my vision,
And I believed what I heard, without question,
Without demand, without complaints or doubts,
Breathing in death, breathing out bullets from my gun,
Taking in orders, carrying out executions amidst screams and shouts.
Until you came in that day, one moment that changed the game,
Until the moment when you walked in through the door,
Until then I killed you and others in cold blood, no remorse, no shame,
Until I saw your pretty eyes.... why couldn't you wait a moment more?
Wait now, wait just a moment more,
Wait till I pass, wait till I go, wait till I die,
Wait and watch the clouds, listen to old stories and lore,
Wait just a second more and grow up and live, smile, laugh, cry,
I've tried and I've wished and I've screamed and I've prayed,
But I could not roll back time, could not stop you, could not hold you back
Just that one moment and an eternity, for that moment any price I'd have paid,
Paid with everything I have and everything I lack.
Dear Zara, speak to me with your sweet sweet voice,
Sing songs of love, freedom, happiness, hope,
And dance to them, so graceful, so pretty, with such poise,
And smile, and laugh, and love, till none can cope,
Spread your innocence, spread your naivete,
Share your jokes, your anecdotes, your story,
Travel the world, see the sights, talk to people, greet, meet
Love your life, be safe, be right, be wrong, be sorry.
And find a man that will love you,
And find a cause that you believe in,
Find successes to celebrate and failures to rue,
Reduce your loads, expand your kin,
Get married, give birth to children, a boy and a girl,
Raise them up far away from all this hatred and pain,
Give them hope, give them reason, give their ideas space to unfurl,
Keep them free, keep them safe, most of all keep them sane,
Far away from this madness, these unholy red waters of blood,
Far away from people like me, far far away from us,
Far away from this place, our land, our dirt, our mud,
Our rivers, our lakes, our mountains, our trees, our people, far far away from us.
Dear Zara, you will never hear me, and I'm thankful for that,
My pitiful voice, with these pathetic words,
My screams and my ravings, from where you lie, where you're sat,
I can't get through to you, not my entreaties, and it hurts.
And it hurts me more than a bullet ever could,
It hurts so much more than my beliefs could cure me,
I apologise for the agony and the injustice,
I did it because of a reason I can't remember,
Reasons that were important once, a time for which I wish.
When the lives of others didn't seem so important,
So weak, fragile, vulnerable, precious, unique,
That slips away from a bullet like sand from my closed fist,
Your open vacant eyes make me forget my convictions, my certainties,
Make me doubt all the answers I seek.
Why did you have to come in my path?
I was sure in my sedation, happy in my misconception,
Content in my hatred, satisfied in my lust for blood and death,
Determined, driven, clear in my eyes, red in my vision,
And I believed what I heard, without question,
Without demand, without complaints or doubts,
Breathing in death, breathing out bullets from my gun,
Taking in orders, carrying out executions amidst screams and shouts.
Until you came in that day, one moment that changed the game,
Until the moment when you walked in through the door,
Until then I killed you and others in cold blood, no remorse, no shame,
Until I saw your pretty eyes.... why couldn't you wait a moment more?
Wait now, wait just a moment more,
Wait till I pass, wait till I go, wait till I die,
Wait and watch the clouds, listen to old stories and lore,
Wait just a second more and grow up and live, smile, laugh, cry,
I've tried and I've wished and I've screamed and I've prayed,
But I could not roll back time, could not stop you, could not hold you back
Just that one moment and an eternity, for that moment any price I'd have paid,
Paid with everything I have and everything I lack.
Dear Zara, speak to me with your sweet sweet voice,
Sing songs of love, freedom, happiness, hope,
And dance to them, so graceful, so pretty, with such poise,
And smile, and laugh, and love, till none can cope,
Spread your innocence, spread your naivete,
Share your jokes, your anecdotes, your story,
Travel the world, see the sights, talk to people, greet, meet
Love your life, be safe, be right, be wrong, be sorry.
And find a man that will love you,
And find a cause that you believe in,
Find successes to celebrate and failures to rue,
Reduce your loads, expand your kin,
Get married, give birth to children, a boy and a girl,
Raise them up far away from all this hatred and pain,
Give them hope, give them reason, give their ideas space to unfurl,
Keep them free, keep them safe, most of all keep them sane,
Far away from this madness, these unholy red waters of blood,
Far away from people like me, far far away from us,
Far away from this place, our land, our dirt, our mud,
Our rivers, our lakes, our mountains, our trees, our people, far far away from us.
Dear Zara, you will never hear me, and I'm thankful for that,
My pitiful voice, with these pathetic words,
My screams and my ravings, from where you lie, where you're sat,
I can't get through to you, not my entreaties, and it hurts.
And it hurts me more than a bullet ever could,
It hurts so much more than my beliefs could cure me,
It hurts so much I can't cry, and I don't know if I should
Feel your pain, hear, taste, touch, see.
Feel your pain, hear, taste, touch, see.
And I failed, I failed so bad, I failed forever,
I failed in life, in death, couldn't give you life, nor kill myself,
I failed in ideas, in belief, in faith and it's over,
I failed you Zara, I killed you, I failed myself.
And you shattrered my thoughts and my life,
You shattered my mind and my heart,
You shattrered me to pieces, cut me up with a knife,
You shattered my life, you shattered my religion, and I'll never again start.
And it hurts and I failed and I'm shattered,
And I know if you knew, you still would be sad,
Sad that I'm hurt, I failed, I shattered,
But you don't, and that is happiness more than everything I ever had.
But you don't, and that is happiness more than everything I ever had.
Dear Zara, only you can heal me, but don't,
I don't deserve to be healed by your sacred hands,
The guilt and the blame will remain and I won't,
I won't ever let myself escape these sands,
These sands of my hatred and sins,
These sands of the souls that I've destroyed, decimated,
These sands that are sucking my blood away by poking me with a million pins,
These sands where I'm stranded, I'm stuck, I'm cremated,
These sands where I'm lost, where I call out to you, in this desert,
This barren, lifeless land, stranded on this Sahara,
Where I will die everyday, each pin piercing my heart,
Forever calling out to you, beautiful, sweet, innocent, Dear Zara...
I don't deserve to be healed by your sacred hands,
The guilt and the blame will remain and I won't,
I won't ever let myself escape these sands,
These sands of my hatred and sins,
These sands of the souls that I've destroyed, decimated,
These sands that are sucking my blood away by poking me with a million pins,
These sands where I'm stranded, I'm stuck, I'm cremated,
These sands where I'm lost, where I call out to you, in this desert,
This barren, lifeless land, stranded on this Sahara,
Where I will die everyday, each pin piercing my heart,
Forever calling out to you, beautiful, sweet, innocent, Dear Zara...
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