When Angry, Type....

As I'm writing this post, I feel angrier than I've been in a long long time and I really do need an outlet now, unless I do something stupid. And I hope after this post I have some idea of what the point of all this is? What is the point of all this? What what WHAT what WHAT WHAT what??? NOTHING. Not one stupid inconsequential retarded thing.

What is the point of obedience and honesty? What exactly is the point when you know it isn't worth anything, when you know you will be accused and questioned at periodical whims of paranoia? Why be good when there's absolutely no appreciation for you being good. Appreciation be damned, I'd be content with silence, just stay quiet and I'll be happy. Why try and provoke a response when everything is going well and as it should be? What is the point?

What is the point in denying your friends when they offer you a puff of cigarette (among other things) or a glass of alcohol? What is the point of respecting a few boundaries, I mean, it's not even like any of my parent's money is being spent on the stuff, it's for bloody free? Why not just say "yes" the next time there's a booze party and all of your friends are there? What is the point of being the only sober person within a 20 metre radius? What is the point?

What is the point of being transparent and truthful when everyone else lies? It would make my life so much easier and there is no human way to catch me lying? Why not just hide the truth like everyone else does? Surely that is to be expected? I am a student, that's what I do, fudge the truth, lie and manipulate. So why don't I? What is the point?

That is all out now and no I'm not really anywhere near as good as I made myself sound, but those three paragraphs and Mr. Tambourine Man have served their purpose and not so angry now, just annoyed, disappointed.

P for Pretentious

This perfection that has pervaded my perversions presently, is putrid and pernicious, but provided by the passive populace, preaching and poaching on my present and my past and the perception that positive participation will protect my person, a priori, paying no heed to my pitiful protests, parting me from my placidity and panache and possibly producing a posse who are party to my perish - patient, pleased and poised

Inspired by the film, V for Vendetta. And I think it does make sense, in some ways...

Haze

I see you through the haze,
Every moment of every eternity,
For everything else my sight fails,
But you grow clearer,
Luminescent, afire, a shower of hails.

You put the fog around you on fire,
Burning, brilliant, scorching the air,
I sit here in dreams and fantasies,
Of dark mornings and dense forests of your hair,
Silent, scared and enraptured, I'm lost,
I should leave, wake up, but I don't dare.

You bring chaos with your presence,
Riots start with every breath you take,
But calmness decorates your forehead, placid,
I'm getting sucked in, no matter how much I fake.

Let me go, release me from the stranglehold
Of your eyes that choke me through the smoke,
Your face clear, every detail lucid, bold,
Drowned in your aura, I'm destitute, I'm broke.

Your visions have become more vivid than reality,
A terrific beautiful hell of pristine destruction and flawless pain,
Tempting me away from my scattered, rotting heaven,
Of occupations and aspirations, overwhelming loss and gain,
Highlighting how bleak, my existence, how odd, how even.

And as the haze descends, I'm helpless in it's embrace,
Demented, senile, tormented by the motions,
That rack my brains, leaving me in a daze,
Petrified, enamoured with you, my devotions,
Where I stand, in despair weeping, my Lady of the Haze.

Almost entirely a result of how mind-numbingly boring I find Signals and Systems classes...